…some seeds. I suppose I’ve been trying to plant some seeds for a while now really. When I started this blog, I was just plain grumpy. I thought that writing about grumpy, and trying different tactics to embrace gratitude instead of grumpy would help me kick myself in the booty and get going with living. Well, I quickly realized that my “guide to gratitude” was no sort of guide at all. I’m frankly still highly annoyed that there is a billion dollar industry out there selling us gratitude by the bookful and cheesy office posters telling us to hang in there and exploiting adorable kittens for nefarious means to an end. I have found it hard to convince myself that the reason for this whole gratitude push is not just to make sure that workers are somewhat happier so that they work harder. After all, as Google will tell you, happier employees are more productive. Sigh.
As you might have noticed, I didn’t do too well with the whole gratitude thing. I was pretty much grateful for all of the same things I am normally grateful for, and none of that gratefulness stopped me from being a downright grumpasaurus rex. And then I really dug into something that kicked me in the booty in a way that attempted gratitude journals and cheery magazine articles about how we should celebrate the little things in life and not really mind/notice/comment upon things like exploitation, discrimination, corruption…and the list goes on. I mean I get the premise that if we are weighed down by all of the “tions” that are seriously gross and horrible and just plain insane in this day and age, there is no way we can fight those things, but still…I just haven’t mastered the whole art of remaining grateful in the face of some…wait…I was typing about being kicked in the booty. Let me get back to that. As I was saying, I dug into something that kicked me in the booty in a way that commercial gratitude just did not do. The garden. Or should I say spring in the garden.
If you are not someone who has been following me for a minute, you may be asking, “But, Amy, whyfor are you so darn grumpy?” I have a list. It is long in some ways, and short in others, but the main cause of my grumpitis is my mom’s battle with stage four cancer. Now, I know that there are plenty of other humans in the world dealing with death and other struggles and the like, so part of my grump also comes from my unwillingness to let myself feel what I’m feeling. Why should I be grumpy when there are so many in worse places, right? So really, my endless cycle of denying my own feelings and then getting sucked back into those feelings since I wasn’t really playing nice with them and letting them be processed kind of sort of mostly came to an end when spring came along and said, “AH WEEDS. AH SEEDS. MAKE THE GARDEN.”
So, I made the garden. Now, you may be wondering why I am writing about this now, on a cold January day with the wind blowing the wind chimes in an incessant fashion, but today I bought soil so I could get seeds started. It is time for the process to begin again. Now, you may not be a gardening sort of human. You may be perfectly content with buying tomatoes from the store. You may actually think that tomatoes from the store taste like tomatoes should taste. You may have no idea of the itch in the fingers that starts right around the time the bulbs start peeping through the soil. However, for those of us who spring kicks in the backside and says, “MAKE THE GARDEN,” we know that there is nothing quite so good for fighting all of the grumpy we let life blanket us in than digging in the dirt and helping things grow.
So, this weekend, after a Friday and Saturday spent at a work conference, I am going to help some things grow. I have seed packets aplenty. I have potted plants to get in the ground. I have fruit trees to prune. Grape vines to propagate. A chicken coop to save from rodents (ACK…) Pottery to fire. Laundry to wash (someday I will get it put away too…I promise I will, really). And so on and so forth.
I am going to work on writing to you more as well. I know I promised gratitude and I’m serving up garden, but I suppose the best thing about being human is we have the capacity to grow and change. I certainly don’t expect people I know to be the exact same or even have the same ideas as they did ten or twenty years ago, so I hope you don’t mind if I keep on developing and do a little work on growing myself along with my garden.
For more photos of what’s up in the garden, my Instagram has more @hummingbirdhillhomespun
I’m just someone trying to figure out how to juggle ten acres, work, a mama with stage four cancer, and a whole lot of grumpy. This blog started out as “Grumpy Gal’s Guide to Gratitude,” but since all I really keep typing about is the garden, I figured I might as well own it! So, thanks for joining me as I try and figure out how the heck to kick myself in the booty and get on with life.